Monday, April 23, 2012

HORROR CONVENTIONS: the “ins and outs”, the “ups and downs” and the inevitable “money shot”

HORROR CONVENTIONS: the “ins and outs”, the “ups and downs” and the inevitable “money shot”

            Ahhhh, the horror convention, a rite of passage into full blown nerdity!! Have you busted your “convention cherry” yet? I’ve attended a few, but I’m far from a seasoned convention veteran. However, I have made some keen observations and learned some valuable lessons—so let’s begin!!

  1. OH YES! THERE WILL BE FREAKS!!! Con attendees run the gamut: “cosplay”, full out “Goths”, Juggalos, guys dressed like it’s 1988 and they’re on the way to a Testament show, people dressed like they're going to funeral (if the funeral in question is Joey Ramone's) normal folks—you’ll see ‘em all. But I’m talking about real live weirdos!!! Quick example—at Cinema Wasteland’s fall 2011 show, my wife and I were signing a “Trio of Terror” DVD (I directed “Zombitch!”, she starred in it) that a guy had bought and asked all involved to sign, pretty unremarkable except for the fact that the man in question was wearing a T-shirt tucked into his sweatpants, breathing heavily through his mouth, sweating profusely all while staring intently and directly at my wife’s cleavage!!! Yeah…just like that.
  2. HAVE A GAME PLAN! If you’re getting anything other than a signed 8x10, you gotta plan shit out! I’m totally screwed on my autograph planning—case in point (try to keep up) The “Dawn of the Dead” dilemma: I have an original 1-sheet, attended CW last Fall, David Emge was a guest, partied like a rock star with him on Friday, didn’t bring the poster, never got his sig, going to Motor City Nightmares this weekend, Ken Foree is a guest, could have got his sig on it too, but never got Emge’s sig, so now I’m fucked!! Another example of my dumbfuckery—“Devil’s Rejects” style—Bill Forsyth was a guest at MCN 2010, got a signed 8x10, should have bought a DR poster because…(are you still with me?) Bill Moseley was at HorrorHound Cincy, got a signed TCM-2 photo, going to MCN 2012, Forsyth cancelled, but Ken Foree, Sid Haig, Michael Berryman, PJ Soles, and the aforementioned Bill Moseley are all guests.(I still do not have a “Devil’s Rejects” poster Goddamn it!!!) In my defense, I do have a NOTLD mini-poster with several cast members sigs on it.
  3. NO MATTER HOW COOL YOU (think) YOU ARE—SOONER OR LATER, YOU WILL ACT LIKE A “FAN-BOY”—“Fanboy moments”, I’ve had a few—First con (MCN 2010), first celebrity meeting-Tiffany Shepis—I shook, I stammered, I was sweating like a fucking meat loaf, my mind went blank, I acted like a jack-off, in short, total nerdity!! And, by the way, Tiffany Shepis is easily 10x sexier in person than she is on film (and she’s pretty fucking sexy on film!) no lie, no contest! CW-Fall 2010-I met a personal hero: HG Lewis, couldn’t wait to meet him, the extent of my in depth, intelligent conversation? “Uhhh I really admire your work, can you sign my poster?” After meeting April & JimmyO Burril at MCN 2011 I was visibly geeking out and April said to me: “we’re just normal people like you”, I nodded but my mind was screaming:”no you’re not!! You’re CHAINSAW FUCKING SALLY!!!!”. I shudder to think what I’ll be like meeting Debbie Rochon at MCN 2012 this weekend.
  4. PACK A SACK FULL OF CASH—YOU’LL NEED IT! If you’re a horror fan, like me, you’re gonna want to buy EVERYTHING!!! Vendors everywhere, with truck loads of cool shit: DVDs, artwork, posters, masks, shirts, collectibles, magazines, celebrities selling stuff—it’s like a total horror nerd-gasm!!! Spend wisely, or you’ll be broke as shit in no time flat!!
  5. IMBIBE WISELY! Ask anyone who saw me drinking like a retarded fish at CW 2011, talking loudly, Coor’s Light seeming glued to my right hand, asking “where’s the party?”, talking nonsense with David Emge—not one of my (or my long suffering wife’s) prouder moments! (although it was Tim-not me, that drank Emge’s beer down). Pace yourself!

So, hopefully, these few pointers help you avoid: looking like a douche, looking like a drunk douche, looking like a broke-ass douche or looking like a total loser! As for me, I’m off to a convention this weekend—Motor City Nightmares—I’ll may break one (or two) of my own rules, but I guarantee I’ll have a blast doing it!

Some past convention coverage for ya!!

Saturday, April 14, 2012

A Few of My Favorite Things in 2012 (So Far)

            1/3 of the way through, and 2012 is shaping up nicely! I have the distinct privilege of reviewing so many indie horror films on NerdRemix, that it becomes a blur sometimes. Thankfully, there’s those certain films that just stand out and become the yardstick by which everything else is measured.

            Michigan whack job, Tom Berdinski’s “Noirmageddon: A Mark Anvil Thriller” is an amazing short films that blends so many genres, and gives so many nods to classic films that viewing it feels almost like slipping into a comfortable pair of jeans. I thought last year’s “The Giant Rubber Monster Movie” was nearly perfect, but “Noirmageddon”, in my mind, surpasses it. The scary part is that Berd is currently producing two films and the fucker keeps getting better! I’m particularly stoked about “House With a Morgue” the 4th (?) installment of “The Italian Zombie Movie”.
            I also really, really enjoyed Douglas Schulze’s “Mimesis”—a fucking brutal film that breathes new life into the stale ass trend of NOTLD reference films. Expert pacing, a great cast, and actual film making craft!! I can’t wait to see what’s next from these guys!!
            Mike O’Mahoney also scored big with the hilarious “Sloppy the Psychotic”, cheesy, gory, and pissing all over every self imposed horror taboo, “Sloppy” is impossible to watch without laughing your ass off!! Best enjoyed with a beer in hand, if this film offends you, you’re truly too old and stuffy to be watching an indie horror film (so get a grip you whiny bitch!).
            I also got to check out yet another segment of the upcoming “Psycho Street” anthology, “Anti-Bodies”—wow!! Director Patrick Desmond really pushes the envelope with this jacked up tale of sex, blood, and terror! Incredibly sick performances by the entire cast (particularly Kaylee Williams) and shudder inducing set-pieces have got me jonesing to review the whole thing!!

            On the convention front, I briefly attended HorrorHound Magazine’s Columbus, Ohio show a few weeks ago. I told myself I wouldn’t attend another HHW after my experience in Cincy in 2010—great guests, lousy venue, layout and crowd control. Columbus was more of the same—good and bad---but I did get to hang out with the MuscleWolf guys (along with the above mentioned Kaylee Williams and Patrick Desmond), Marv Blauvelt is always a blast to hang with! I finally got to meet my amazing “internet friend” Jessica Cameron, and chatted with Blake Powell and the “Midnite Mausoleum” ladies, JABB Pictures’ Jason Hoover, Casie Baun, and Cam Scott—so, in summation, great people, lousy venue/planning.

            Absolutely looking forward to Motor City Nightmares this month! It’s always a great con, perfect size, awesome atmosphere, and great guests!! This year they have most of the guests from last year (but no April & JimmyO or Monique Dupree—this sucks out loud!) and the added attraction of Doug Bradley, Sid Haig, PJ Soles, the incredibly hot Tiffany Shepis and my personal hero DEBBIE ROCHON!!!!! Also can’t wait to re-connect with Berdinski & Amy Lynes, and to talk “Sloppy” with Mike O’Mahoney! See you there!! Hoping to bring some fabulous NerdRemix prizes for you nut-jobs!!
Enjoy bitches-keep the beers cold and the movies gory!!